Grief is Sneaky

SANYO DIGITAL CAMERAGrief sneaks up in unexpected moments. Yes, it’s full and present during the obvious times of shock, and wakes and funerals. Where it truly lives though is after the flowers have wilted and the food storage containers are back to their owners, and friends have stopped calling every single day to make sure you’re okay. It’s then, in those quiet moments, that grief settles in.

It’s not the loud, tear filled grief from before. It’s the quiet grip that shows up unexpectedly, while waking or running an errand, or reading a passage that hits just the right chord. In those moments grief wraps around your heart and lungs, where tears may only flow silently, where the pain is at its most real. For a moment it’s hard to think about continuing whatever task is laid out before you, because you can’t see anymore through the pain.

It does ease, that despair, that clutch of grief, because your loved ones that have gone on want to know you will move forward. They still support your dreams and goals and life even more from beyond the grave.

Honor them by living the life that they couldn’t, the one that was cut short for whatever reason. Live fully and love without reservation.

To honor your loved ones, to honor your grief, then simply live.

In memory of Tanya Shersnow and Mark Fisher.
Amy Dionne, 2015

One thought on “Grief is Sneaky

  1. Wendy. AKA. Auntie says:

    Grief hits hardest when you are alone at night, reaching over to touch your dearest loved one, in that semi-moment of sleep and traumatically waking to realize that he is no longer there. Or waking from a scary dream and wanting so to be comforted…yet the absolute terror of the nightmare is nothing compared to finding your mate has gone! That large bed you needed when you were together becomes suddenly humongous when there is no one there to share it, when you roll over. I know for six months I could not even move to the middle of the bed, staying instead on the small section that was “mine”, leaving the rest of the bed open. It took grief counseling to finally sleep first in the middle and then one night on Eddie’s side.
    I think the fog began when I got to the ER and the nurse told me every thing was alright….and for one brief second I thought it was! I said ” He’s alive!” “No”. She stated, “He’s dead.” Those words ripped through me worse than if someone had shot me. But I got through that…the funeral…the holidays….Christmas was the worse as Eddie had bought presents early and stashed them at my friend’s….the desertion of most people but a handful of friends. I thought I was doing okay when my boss at the dept of special Ed. Called me in the end of April and told me that I was not. He suggested three months leave at a reduced salary, but there would still be benefits, plus paid counseling.
    It’s been over 12 years, but I still break down and cry over little things…I still have that void in my heart for the man who could make me laugh, knew how to comfort me in crisis, and I could bare my soul….dreams and fears. If any person in the world understood me, Eddie did.
    So when you describe how sneaky grief may be, you are right, no one wants to be around someone who is upset and crying…they don’t want to deal with it. Until it is their turn, they can’t understand that deep human emotion. The only good that comes from the deepest of grief is that you acquire a special angel who looks out for you when you really need it.
    Later on, when the world has spun around enough the fog will lift, as we learn that life does go on, but you will never forget the tenderness of your loved ones and they will visit you time and again to encourage you to promote yours and their dreams….God Bless!

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