I’m paraphrasing, but I’ve heard that courage is trying again in the face of fear. That’s where I’m at with horses right now. After my fall and subsequent concussion back in November, a lease with a horse that was just too much for me, and a clinic with a trusted horse that turned out to be too much for the horse, I’m ready for a good experience.
I may have found one too, in the form of a sweet quarter horse that’s just come up for lease at the barn I ride at. Jake has a sweet personality, is steady, and very versatile. We’ve already been to the beach together, and I’ve ridden him quite a few times.
At the beach, he was fantastic. I was not. I’m still dealing with the fear of being able to let go and trust the horse I’m riding, even if they’ve given me no cause to not trust them. Relaxing on a horse is beyond my capabilities currently. I’m frustrated by this realization. I got back on after my fall (well, when I was cleared by the doctor), I’ve been to the barn riding and working on ground work, and my head is already planning the summer season.
My heart’s being cautious. It says that I need a lot more time before I can trust. Its telling me to hold back.
So how do I heal? How do I get back to the rider and horsewoman that I was before? How do I let go and believe in the horse I’m riding?
I don’t know yet. I think it’s going to take more time, and lots of baby steps along the way. I’m frustrated that I haven’t been able to bounce back like I used to. I hope this new horse is the right one to help me find my way again. I really want to enjoy my time with him, and if him meeting me at the gate when I arrive is any indication, he enjoys his time with me.
That may be the best healing I can find.